A Natural State of Mind

To Be or Not to Be?

2011-06-12T23:03:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were younger and you had that friend that would steal all types of little things like candy chips and so on and you knew if you even thought about doing that you would be the one to get caught, well that is where my mind set is focused on at the moment. Why would it be just me? Why do I have to be the one to do the right thing? Why can't I take what I want? I get so aggravated with those people that sell drugs and live in nice houses but I have to work minimum wage to live in a tiny apartment. Why do those women who sleep with anything with a bank account get the finer things in life and I stay faithful in my relationship and have to settle! Where is it in the cards that aces only go to those people that are dishonest! A man works hard everyday to pay the bills and put food on the table to find a wife that is spending that money on getting her hair and nails done and not doing anything to help around the house financially, emotionally, or otherwise. But the man that beats his wife gets the royal treatment what is wrong with that picture? I think many times over that if I would have just took the easier way things for me would be better. Taken the low road instead of the high road and did what needed to be done by any means necessary and take what I wanted instead of being the bigger person I might be happier. Not saying that I am not happy but what is wrong with wanting more? I feel I deserve it! A person that works hard should not have to walk or take the bus, I deserve to drive or be driven! I am not materialistic that is not what this is about it is about the choices in life we make and the options we might have over looked. Sometimes I want my cake and eat it to. I wonder sometimes why, Why am I wound that way to do the right thing? Even when I get away with doing the wrong thing it is in my nature to confess and fix it! Why am I destined to fight this battle with myself? Why do I always have to do the right thing while others live their life doing the wrong and seem to get so much further than me! Yes we can argue that the risks that those people take are not worth the trouble and your right but I am saying that hose of us who do do the right things deserve those out comes instead of the pitfalls we do encounter.You know I sit back during my quiet moments and ask myself this and during that time I start to compare and contrast.The decisions that I made has not put me in the best place to my standards but has placed me in the best place for growth. I am at a place where I can ask myself these questions and not go crazy. I am at a level of maturity to where these questions can be answered and worked out. They won't consume me or confuse me but make things a little clearer. Not many people can say that. You should be happy about that as well because you are not alone.It is in our nature! Some flowers can't grow without the weeds to strengthen them. We are a select few and we walk the road that is less traveled and that is why sometimes we feel like we are the only ones because on roads such as ours it is safer to go one by one!

Where was I?

2011-06-10T00:50:00.000-07:00

Have you ever found yourself in a place but don't have any clue on how you got there? This is one of those things. I in the mist of my commute when it hit me where was I? When children cursing around adults became OK? You remember when you were younger and even if you said shut up to someone around an adult you would duck for cover? Now 8yr olds are using grown folk curses like they have been on this earth long enough to really understand its meaning or purpose. Where was I when having a cell phone conversation meant you had to talk loud enough so your ancestors can here your business. What the heck there is no such thing as privacy anymore! You hear all types of inappropriate information you wouldn't say in confession. Where was I when the wedding ring stop becoming a single person's cryptinite. I get hit on by men because I have my ring on, what happened to our morals? Where was I when elders became obsolite? Now people barely acknowledge older folk anymore. Like giving up your seat or letting them get in front of you or helping them with there bags or something. The more I see the more I worry. I think the main thing that bothers me most of all is the baggy bellow your butt pants! I CAN'T STAND IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! I think this is the most disrespectful thing fashion has ever created! What the mug! There is nothing attractive about having your pants to the floor or even professional. Now don't give me that fad and youth nonesense! Grown behind adults are doing it to! I know the person that invented the belt is turning over in there grave as I type. Even though they are told it started in jail and it is bad for your posture and will give yu spine problems in the future no one cares they still do it! When will it all end? I want to go back to punky brewster, thundercats, small wonder days. When you wore PJ's with the foot bottoms and slept with your pillow people and Michael Jackson doll with the tiny white glove. I want to go back to when you had to roll up your car door with the knob and fix your TV channel with the flat head screwdriver. Where was I When our traditions died and our family values went out the window? Where was I and can I go back there? Now I know I am getting old!

Violence begets Violence!

2011-05-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

So I had this scandalous blog ready to go about some random female I encountered on the bus yesterday about a conversation she was having with her man or lack there of on title ownership but then something came to mind. "Hate begets hate; violence begets violence; toughness begets a greater toughness. We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love... Our aim must never be to defeat or humiliate , but to win his friendship and understanding." –MLK, 1958 (with certain phrases omitted). Why would I share such a story?

How would it better me or you the reader? Well the logical thing a person would say is so that

we can learn from that persons mistakes,

but do we really learn? When you read in the news someone gets shot at close range

and dies does anyone learn anything besides the pain a person may have felt for the

loss of that person or the anger of the fact that the killer is still unknown or not caught.

After watching or reading this do we all stop shooting or killing each other? What

exactly was the benefit of that knowledge? There is enough negative things in the

world than to continue spreading it through idle gossip.The knowledge that I have from

the exposure of the female's conversation has only left me with more negativity like why would she

do that and what kind of person is she considering I don't know her but

from that one conversation on her phone with someone else. Have you considered that

when great things happen to us we tend to ravel in the joy within ourselves where as if

there was a person crazy (and I use the term sarcastically) enough to actually share

those feelings with us like those people who are hyped up on Jesus we look at them

funny for sharing their joy of God with us but if someone was cheating on their spouse

and needed someone to talk to we would be all ears. We shy away from positivity and

welcome negativity. Well what about those people who say that it is not healthy to keep

things bottled up inside you ask? That only counts if the release is constructive for

instance if you share the story of the person getting shot as a way to raise money to send

to the family or a card then you are taking the information and being constructive but if

the only reason you are telling the story is to use it as a sucks for them to make

you feel better about your messed up situations then that is a sign of sadism and that is just sad.

Really think of how many of us are guilty of this! It is sort of the American way of sorts.

How many stones have you casted? I almost fell into the quick sand of negativity and I

am glad I didn't. When you share situations in your life always paint the full picture that

way you are not leaving bread crumbs of negativity in the mind of the person who was

that caring to listen to your plait. Grant them the release that you had from the situation

so that they are not burdened with your unwanted feelings. If your gonna share something

share your joy so that someone else can have a feeling of hope or put a smile on their face.

Slow and Steady wins the race!

2011-05-27T02:13:00.000-07:00

Slow and steady wins the race, you remember that saying? I have based my life in the fast lane and only now I am able to slow down. I use to always listen to this song by India Arie "Slow Down" some of the lyrics goes,

"Slow down baby
ya go in to fast.
You got your hands in the air
With your Feet on the gas.
You 'bout to wreck your future,
Running from your past.
You need to slow down baby."

I've listened to that song a million times and those words only just now hit home. I have spent so much time and energy on trying to get things done, really think about that? Rushing to get things done , hurrying to make sure you do it in time and saying there is not enough time in the day. Really not enough time in a day? By who's standards? By what watch? Where in what area? Do we not realize that it is us who put these boundaries on ourselves? Why are we rushing? We have deadlines even when we are not at work. What about those people who only have one day? Or those of us who have been blessed to encounter a moment so brief but it seemed like it lasted a lifetime ex: First kiss, birth of first child, moments before walking down the aisle. They say time waits for no man yet we still feel we have control over it.I have found that speeding up in life is a lot easier than slowing down and I battle with that everyday. It seems like I am trying to accomplish so many things and not enough time to accomplish them, but in reality that is not true. In reality I have more than enough time to do what I need to do with an emphasis on the word need. For example when you wake up in the morning you have your whole day mapped out. Wake up, shower and freshen up, clean up, (you ever notice that most of the things we do have an up side to them? You don't wake down! Sorry, random deepness)get dressed, go to work or the task or tasks at hand for the day, somewhere in between eat and etc. So that is our day but in our master plan there is room for the car breaking down, wallet getting stolen, rain, bus leaving you, shoe breaking, running out of baby diapers and all the other stuff we did not have planned. Yet still at the end of the day when we are tired and weary we say "at least I got all the things don't I set out to". Amazing huh? With all that goes on without us knowing we still have time to complete the tasks we set out to do. I have set goals and plan to reach them all but I refuse to rush anymore because the sad thing is no matter how much you push and how much you rush you still end up going nowhere fast than if you would have just waited for the right time.I have spent countless amounts of money on fast track ideas like straight out of high school going to technical school for computers because that was the money maker job and everyone is doing it (student loan) then getting into medical technical school because that was the career and I was good at it (student loan) then college for business (student loan) then college for early childhood care(cash at out of state rate) To find that my career was in Knitting and owning a small business still having to wait because in order to do that I have to pay for my student loans! If I would have just waited slowed down and explored all my options maybe just maybe I could have made this ride go a little more smoother. I have no regrets but alot of lessons and I am thankful for that. I realize that my mind moves faster than a speeding bullet and some times if I am not properly protected its my heart that gets shot. I love knitting and plan on making a living doing it and am very much OK with the fact that I won't be up there with trump but, I will definitely be happy and that in itself has no price. Now I have been blessed to have opportunities to second guess myself that way I am able to make more sound decisions. Like some people pride themselves on being confident but sometimes confidence is misleading and can leave you in a heavy con. For instance (something simple) you are at the grocery store and see a sale for an item that is marked three for a dollar but you only need two what do you do? (First instinct people!) you buy three why? Simple it is on sale right, but did you really need three? I am very guilty of this and every time when I add up the time it took (fruit for example) to clean out the fridge from it going bad, the money spent, and the loss of using that money to get more of something I finished already it doesn't add up. (post was cut from original length but what was saved is meant to be read!)

In The Begining!

2011-05-25T10:03:00.000-07:00

So here I am a blogger who knew! I never saw myself as a big talker or even a phone person for that matter and so I find myself here. A lot of people tell me the things I talk about in general day to day conversations should be a blog topic or something on a talk show or on youtube so for once I will give into the hype and test this journey out! There are a lot of things I wonder about and things I have questions on so this will be a good outlet for me!

RANDOM THOUGHT #1

Have you ever wondered why women with natural hair perm or straighten there hair to wear a natural weave or wig? Seriously! I was checking out a favorite popular female of who I loved her natural hair and when I looked close enough at her photo I realized she had in a natural weave! I was devistated! I know the journey of natural is a hard one but most journeys of enlightenment are.